Kohlberg's stages of moral development

A while back I posted on the Republican view of morality. It seems Republicans are more apt to support moral views that hold society together and less those that would foster disobedience (including civil disobedience) and an unraveling of societal conventions.

Lawrence Kohlberg, a scholar of both psychology and philosophy, developed a model of the stages of moral development. He interviewed subjects and posed the following question:

In Europe, a woman was near death from a special kind of cancer. There was one drug that the doctors thought might save her. It was a form of radium that a druggist in the same town had recently discovered. The drug was expensive to make, but the druggist was charging ten times what the drug cost him to make. He paid $200 for the radium and charged $2,000 for a small dose of the drug. The sick woman's husband, Heinz, went to everyone he knew to borrow the money, but he could only get together about $ 1,000 which is half of what it cost. He told the druggist that his wife was dying and asked him to sell it cheaper or let him pay later. But the druggist said: "No, I discovered the drug and I'm going to make money from it." So Heinz got desperate and broke into the man's store to steal the drug-for his wife. Should the husband have done that?

The stages are as follows:
1. Obedience and Punishment Orientation.
2. Individualism and Exchange.
3. Good Interpersonal Relationships.
4. Maintaining the Social Order.
5. Social Contract and Individual Rights.
6. Universal Principles.


I so wish I had taken more psychology courses; that might be the very thing I can do now. All I seem to know is some Freudian theory and some Maslow, so I am woefully ignorant in this area.

The Republican view of morality

Edge.org has a fascinating article by, Jonathan Haidt, an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia entitled What Makes People Vote Republican? The following is an excerpt.

Why in particular do working class and rural Americans usually vote for pro-business Republicans when their economic interests would seem better served by Democratic policies? ... morality is not just about how we treat each other (as most liberals think); it is also about binding groups together, supporting essential institutions, and living in a sanctified and noble way.

When Republicans say that Democrats "just don't get it," this is the "it" to which they refer. Conservative positions on gays, guns, god, and immigration must be understood as means to achieve one kind of morally ordered society. When Democrats try to explain away these positions using pop psychology they err, they alienate, and they earn the label "elitist." But how can Democrats learn to see—let alone respect—a moral order they regard as narrow-minded, racist, and dumb?

...people who call themselves strongly liberal endorse statements related to the harm/care and fairness/reciprocity foundations, and they largely reject statements related to ingroup/loyalty, authority/respect, and purity/sanctity. People who call themselves strongly conservative, in contrast, endorse statements related to all five foundations more or less equally. You can test yourself at www.YourMorals.org.

(Although I think of myself as moderately liberal —and fiscally conservative— my results on a quiz at YourMorals pegged me as more liberal than liberals.)


I also found What's the Matter with Kansas? by Thomas Frank, who explores why Kansans seem to vote against their economic interests.

The Last Lecture

Rest in peace Randy Pausch.



Below is his Last Lecture. Would that I will be as prepared when my time comes. I do hope I don't make decisions out of desperation.



Random quotes

• "The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!"
  
  
• "...when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering you to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care."
  
  
• "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
  
  
• "It's not about how to achieve your dreams; it's about how to lead your life. if you lead your life the right way, the dreams will come to you."
  
  
• "This advice is good for the ladies: when it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it's really simple: just don't listen to anything they have to say; pay attention to what they do"
  

Voices of the brokenhearted

Nerve.com currently contains a feature entitled "Dating Confessions" with poignant entries like this:

"I knew how you were when we started dating. I thought I could be the one person you actually would change for. Oh how so wrong I was. I think I could have gotten over the cheating in time...but the lying? Not only lying about stepping out on us, but lying when you said you loved me. How does a person really become so callous?"

and selfish, egocentric entries (with mutually opposing goals) like this

"i just want to experience the novelty and infatuation of a new acquaintance. i don't want drama, or more sex, or 'the love of my life' right now. i just want to spend some time w/ interesting and caring people having fun, enjoying youth. am i the only person that wants to go out and play?"

and this

"i'm perfectly comfortable fucking you, but the idea of calling you up for coffee or whatever makes me really, really nervous."

It's very interesting to see some of the entries people claim they can relate to; some of them are surprising to me. This is like the Taxicab Confessions of the heart.

My own dating confessions?

"I'm sorry we did not part with the ability to remember each other with joy and gratitude. If it was me, I regret my behavior. If it was you, I regret my lack of judgment."

and

"I wish I could stop feeling guilty over having fallen for you — and given you so much."

I could say that about several friendships that were important (to me) as well. My more private confessions will go in a diary, where they belong.

Insults and the Quick Comeback

Someone recently sent me an email whose content was clearly meant to offend me. As usual, I was frustrated; how I wished I were good at comebacks.

The web site Ultimate Self has some suggestions. I picked out some of the best.

If someone insults you, you could respond with:

• “I’m sure you aren’t deliberately try to hurt my feelings.”
• “Did you intend to hurt my feelings by what you just said?”
• “Ouch”
• Let your eyes glaze over and stare at some part of their anatomy and say “Have you had that spot on your face/neck/arm etc seen to, it looks cancerous to me.”
  
• “If you have something to say, do it without insulting me.”
• “That’s a cruel thing to say.”
• “Why do you feel the need to insult me?”
• “What is it about you that makes you want to hurt people?”

Many people hide their insults and hostility behind ‘humor’, or, if you call them on their insult they accuse you of ‘not being able to take a joke.’ So you might try:

• “The definition of a joke is something that incites laughter. Well I’m not laughing.”
• “Insults pretending to be jokes are not funny, they are vicious.”

Or you can respond with humor yourself to counter the insulter. Such as:

• A friend was all dressed up for a party but her sister’s response was “Well, looks aren’t everything.” Although my friend was hurt she responded with a laugh, “Well, I guess you’d know all about that.”
• Or, laugh and agree with them. If someone called you a nerd for example, be flippant and agree, “Yes, I’m a total nerd,” as though it is a great joke or something to be proud of. After letting my hair grow longer than normal my then mother-in-law (an insult expert) told me I looked like a cave woman (it was her condescending tone rather than the words that stung). So I smiled, “Oh great, that’s just the look I’m after.” People hate it when you don’t take their insults seriously.

Or you could try:

• "I’m not interested in what you think is wrong with me.”
• “What do you mean by that exactly?”
• “Does saying things like that make you feel more important?”
• “You don’t have the right to judge my personal qualities or the way I do things.”
• “Stop criticizing me!”
• "That was a low blow.”
• "So you like to play dirty?”
• “It’s my policy not to tolerate verbal abuse.”
• “If you can’t speak to me with respect I’ll refuse to listen to you.”
• “People who feel the need to boost their own egos by putting others down usually have a personality disorder.”
• “Your envy is showing.”
• “Don’t speak to me like that.”
• “Your superiority complex is showing.”
• “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
• Walk away.
• Completely ignore them and their comment (being ignored really hurts someone who feels superior and most who insult, ridicule and put down do so because they think they have the right to because they are ‘better’.)
• Tell anyone who constantly criticizes you that you will not take it anymore and be as good as your word. Hang up the phone or walk away at the first hint of criticism. Eventually they will get the message.
• If they try to excuse their disrespect by saying they are only trying to ‘help’ you or that they are just being ‘honest’, tell them you are an adult and don’t need their ‘help’ and that they can keep their ‘honest’ comments to themselves.
• If someone puts you down by giving you the ‘cold shoulder’ or ‘silent treatment’ turn on the radio, sing, listen to your Ipod or otherwise let them know that the quiet doesn’t bother you in the least.

If someone who has no right to, tries to boss you around simply refuse to comply or say:

• “I don’t take orders.”
• “I only respond to requests.”
• Or, treat them like a child and ask, “What’s the magic word?” (please).

Some people are experts at spotting and targeting your insecurities so set limits to what you will accept from others and don’t be afraid to challenge anyone who trespasses. Don’t let anyone impose labels or their own negative definition of you.